a box is no place for a lifetime of memories...

So, the obituary I wrote for Caris expired on the DailyPress.com website today. I don't know why that has stuck in my head, but I have been thinking about it a lot the past few days. I asked my mother-in-law to print out the guestbook so we could add it to the millions of things that we will fix Caris' "box" with.

We have a box that has purple flowers & inspirational words on it that we will be using to put all of our Caris memorabilia in. Everything for the box is in her crib right now. Every single piece of paper, every single card, note, receipts from the hospital cafeteria, her hospital bracelets, my hospital bracelets, chris' hospital bracelets, medical records, pictures of her, my pregnancy test, newspapers from the day she was born and from the day she died, her obituary, pictures her brother drew...
I'm not ready to fill that box yet.
But I am incredibly thankful to have these things to fill the box.
But a box is no place for a lifetime of memories.
When describing how I felt about finally finding a box I thought was 'good enough' to put physical memories of Caris in, I said to a friend "I'm pissed as hell that I have to put my daughter's shit in a box" - I'm just being honest...
I should be hanging it up, and scrap booking it in the amazing scrapbook my aunt started for me... I shouldn't have to put it in a box.
I guess thinking back on that, and the fact that when I click the bookmarked tab labeled "Caris A. TATE Obituary" on my FireFox browser I can no longer read about my daughter.
I have the actual print out of the obituary... probably a dozen, actually, laminated by a friend of mine...
But it isn't the same. Somehow, it's a piece fading away, and I am not ready for that yet.