Unexpected Peace

I have always hated when people ask "Do you want the good news first or the bad news first?" because it usually means that you're going to walk away from the conversation with no consolation, because most times the good news never outweighs the bad.

I am a 'see the cup half full' kind of girl, so I almost always take the bad before the good- because I can bounce back from anything. 

Today, however, I'll start off with the bad news...

Chris and I have been dreading getting our bills for my delivery stay and for Caris' intensive medical treatment. I was in one hospital, she was in three. Last Saturday, we received an invoice from University of Virginia's Children's Clinic stating they were billing our insurance in the amount of about $48,000 (Chris has since hidden the bill from me [so I no longer remember the exact amount] because I honestly had a mini-breakdown when I opened the envelope on our way to church.



Caris was only at UVA for a total of 7 hours and our bill was $48,000... we concluded that we definitely didn't want to see what CHKD was going to charge us, because she spent 5 1/2 DAYS there...


Today after dropping off our son to his mom (his name is Sebastion- I'll refer to him as that from now on) we decided to drive to Seaford to Chris' PO Box to see if any mail had come in. We hit the motherload: 23 bills. 23!!! What a waste of trees.

While Chris opened his other mail, I focused on all of the ones from Anthem. I opened the first one and looked at the 'Claim Highlights' portion:

Date of Service: 1/31/11
Consumer: CARIS TATE
Provider: CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL OF THE KING'S DAUGHTERS
               601 CHILDRENS LANE
               NORFOLK, VA
How Much was the Expense?
The total charge was:                                    $121,449.87
Amount allowed by your benefit:                  $             .00

You are responsible for this amount:           $121,449.87

 I choked on the saliva welling up in my mouth. For her to lay in an incubator in a room with 7 other sick babies it cost $121,449.87.

Please don't  mistake my supposed sarcasm for ungratefulness. I am incredibly grateful for that incubator. I am incredibly grateful for that little warm bed that in some way help sustain her for the 5 days she was there... I am just flabbergasted that it costs $121,449.87.

After the initial shock wore off from opening that bill, I was eager to tear open all of the other envelopes because I was super anxious to see what they could throw at us next...

The next four bills from Mary Immaculate for my labor, delivery, recovery (I was in that hospital for a total of 27 hours from check-in to release) and for Caris' treatment in the NICU from 4:55pm Sunday to 4:15am Monday that bill equals $20,943.94. [Still choking at this point...]

I continued opening the rest of the bills... some were for $562, some were $72, $367, $199, etc... we even got a bill for $30 from CHKD for 'Cardiovascular Services' rendered on 2/6/11, the day after she died.

The total damage: $154,985.81

The bad news? The hospitals billed our insurance, but the insurance denied the claims, for reason code 013: The patient was not an eligible member at the time services were rendered.

We're not sure what qualifies someone as an 'eligible member' but she had been added to our insurance the day after she was born- so, she was insured.

She was also automatically enrolled in our life insurance policy... when Chris called to tell them she had passed and see if they needed us to take any further action they said that as far as they were concerned, there was nothing we needed to do, because in order to qualify for life insurance you have to be living for 14 days... Caris only made it 6 days therefore she was not eligible for the policy.

Does the fact that our daughter only lived 6 days make her any less of a person?? to be able to qualify for insurances that should be granted to her upon birth?! Caris was a PERSON, dammit. She was MY person, my baby girl... at times I wonder how anyone could be in the medical billing profession- I wouldn't be able to give the responses to grieving parents that they give. You know the old saying "We want this, and that, and your social, and a blood sample, and your first born, etc." yeah, well... they got my first born- what more do they want?!

Chris will be calling the insurance company tomorrow. I will be calling the hospitals requesting detailed listings of what the bills are for. 23 bills... $155,000.00... no baby. It doesn't seem quite right. And that doesn't even include the funeral charges (which, my mother handled everything regarding her funeral and it was funded by her and a LOT of loving friends and family, all of whom I can't even thank because it was all done through anonymous donations, but whoever and wherever you are- we thank you!)

And after typing all of this- I was wondering how I was going to soften my heart enough to write the 'Good News'... but then I thought of it again, and my heart is in the right place to share some cheer... so, onto the good news...

Also in the stack of mail was a card addressed to both Chris and I from a woman named Coralie. I haven't ever met this woman nor do I know her personally. She happens to be my grandmother's aunt, and she found out about Caris' health problems, and then about her death, and got our address from my grandmother.

I opened the card and it read "Thinking of you. Love. Trust. Joy. Virtue. Good Wishes. Levity. Youth. Friendship. Warm Thoughts. Grace. Hope. Remembrance. In thought...in word...in prayer...and in the heart. Much love and good wishes, Coralie" and within the card was a handwritten letter that said:

Dear Maggie & Chris,
          Gail is my niece. She told me about your precious baby's being so sick. Later she called she was so upset. She asked that me and my son pray for your baby. Each time she mentioned that we were praying like we knew your baby and all of you were fighting for her life. Your little girl put up a tremendous fight. I really thought she would be o.k. We were so sad to find it didn't happen. Gail told us all the things you had done to save her.
           My heart goes out to both of you because I know something of what you are going through. I lost my first baby, a little son. He never came home from the hospital. He was born one Friday, we buried him the next Friday. Losing him still tears at my heart sometimes after all these years. He would have been 75 years old this month. The hurt gets better. My doctor at that time told me I'd have other fine children. I resented this because the only baby I wanted was the one that was gone.
           He was right. I got so busy! Later a girl came along and then a boy. I never forgot my great loss,  but I learned to deal with it.
           Please excuse my writing. In 6 months I will be 99 years old and can hardly see to write (as you can tell) I asked Gail for your address so I could write this letter. I suppose I needed you, who would understand my heartache too.
           Most Sincerely,
                         Coralie
P.S. We can smile knowing our babies have the most wonderful care with God.

My first thought after reading that letter was 'Okay... Adversary... take your $150,000 bill and walk away because you are NOT defeating me tonight!' After reading that letter, I wept like a baby. Okay, while reading that letter I wept like a baby. This woman, who is 99 years old from South Carolina, who has never met me, hand wrote me a letter to share a piece of her heart with me and to assure me that I too would be okay.

I received a wave of unexpected peace from a woman I don't even know. Which lead me to realize how much more my friends and family have blessed me during my time of grieving. I thank God for each and every one of you.


The bills aren't going away, but Chris and I are disputing our insurance's denial to pay. We are praying it is just a misunderstanding- please pray that with us.