Sunday, May 22, 2011

A break from my hiatus

I've taken quite a hiatus from writing on this thing. I have written in my 'real' journal, and there are tons of church bulletins scattered about my house with thoughts, ideas, cries to God. It hasn't been a conscience effort to not write on here- it just hasn't been something I've thought of. I have this problem with blogs... I begin them full-force and then I take breaks, I hate it and so I will try to be better.
It's been a busy month for our family and close friends. We had the March of Dimes Walk for Babies on May 1st. We had a huge team turnout and raised $4,660 for the organization.

Chris and I were presented with a plaque in appreciation for raising the most a first-time Family Team has raised. We also had shirts donated by Matthew Wallace of Fairwell Designs LLC. in Hampton.

That day was very emotional for me. The actual walk was amazing. In the end, most of the team ended up walking 6 miles (instead of the posted 5) on accident. We ended up walking one mile for each day our precious baby girl was alive.
The next weekend, two very good friends of mine, Missy and Mary, went to a memorial service held at University of Virginia Children’s Hospital. Chris and I had planned to go, along with close friends and family we had invited... but about two weeks before we just couldn't imagine being back there.
I mentioned in an earlier entry that we could handle going to Mary Immaculate and CHKD because Caris did not die there. She was treated at those places and made great strides. They did all they could. I believe UVA did all they could as well, but that is where my daughter took her last breaths... both Chris and I were not ready to go back there.
Thankfully, Mary and Missy said they wanted to go represent our family and be there for Caris. Mary posted beautiful words and pictures on her blog. We are eternally grateful for their friendship. They have really been my kleenex these past four months.
Where has the time gone? I can't believe my daughter would have been FOUR months old next week. It is hard to imagine since she isn't here with us. Every day that passes I get further and further away from her birth-day. It makes me sad, so I cry... and thankfully my husband is incredibly amazing. He and I have grown so much closer these last four months. We finish each others sentences, we miss each other more when we're apart, we worry about each other more... not that we had any different type of relationship before Caris was born, but we have definitely grown closer since she was born.

I have started a new business venture, and I plan to go to school in August. We're moving beginning next month and fully by mid-August. We started renovating our new house this month, and we will start painting next month. I'm excited about the things that are happening in our life. I wish Caris was here to experience them with us.
Our family is beautiful, Chris, Sebastion and myself. We really make a good team. Sebastion has grown a lot this year. He is such a cute little seven year old. He is doing good in school, and will hopefully get back into the excellerated programs at the elementary school in our new district. He really is a smart kid. He and I have gotten a lot closer this year.
I have enjoyed volunteering at his school every week. That started out as a way to get me out of the house and out of my wallowing. It's turned into something that I look forward to each week. All the kids in his class love me... and I love them. :) I love being surrounded by kids, I always have. Which is why my plan is to get my teaching certification. I will then volunteer at the elementary school in our district where Sebastion will be attending, and then homeschool our future children. We'd planned to homeschool Caris.
My husband is also in school. He was recently inducted into the President's List at his university and he has a 4.0 GPA. Even with everything going on in our lives, he seems to keep it all together, including working hard and providing a beautiful home for me and Sebastion. I really feel like I am one of the luckiest girls in the world.
I miss our baby girl so much. I still sit in her nursery and go through her things. I am not looking forward to packing them all up for our move. That will be a hard day, but I will do it, remembering her with each item I touch. So much has happened in four months. If you would have told me that the first half of 2011 would have been how it's been, I would have laughed in your face...believing that there is no way in hell God would put us through what He has this year. But there have been hidden blessings throughout it all. and only God knows what is in store for the second half of 2011. All I know is it better be good. :) We are hoping and praying for that much.

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